Blink. The light shudders on your eyelash. Catch. The sheet and your skin. A moment trapped by nothing. Float.
You were just a girl. Two breasts and lips; hair brushing the shoulder. Just a girl. Light, like you’d fallen from a bird’s nest.
‘Do you sell boxes?’ It’s all you’d said. It’s all that was said. We sold boxes and I showed you the boxes and you bought one. My heart swallowed my tongue, but there you were: this girl.
Flutter: it’s what your image did in my mind. Lips etching words, hair caught on coat. Your everything and your nothing. A shape that only spoke once.
You. A boy and girl meet, briefly, and then the girl goes, goes not where he knows, passes in and out of his life like a cloud through a window, but in that breath he finds everything. Me.
And then stops breathing and it continues to flutter“
And fold and crinkle
And burn and blister
I fell into
But you were just the shadow of a shape that spoke.
Wink. You wake and your finger sits in your mouth. Your collarbone is cold. Shudder.
Hands round coffee eyes on a book: suddenly it was you. Sitting there. You there. Coffee and a book and you. Flick and flutter I’d found you. The window opened and heart leapt through.
The wind blew your hair into knots and the taxi was late. But you pulled me down by the collar and my breath caught your word.
Tongue between teeth and lips, palm to chest, belts to ankles, nails to hair, sheet to skin and breath to breath. You: me: us. Heavy. Weightless.
Why did I want you? I wanted you for everything. For your small hands and your crackly voice. For the way tops would fall off your shoulder and you would get angry about talent shows. For your hair in rain and the mole on your spine. For your love of peanut butter and the way your eyes would match the sky. I wanted you.
You stare at me.
When someone is your everything how can you be their anything? You hold them so high that even if the bird could fly they couldn’t reach it. Tip.
A person becomes your oxygen. In the dark you breathe each other, breathe against the borders of your body, breath for breath for breath for breath for breath
But you couldn’t breathe
It became shallow
I spat. I pulled you up and I pushed you down, you would surface, I would force air into you but you rejected it and your heart heaved in the tied
You stare at me
I will let you go. Girl that once bought a box. I let you go.
Blink. These moments replay behind my eyelid. Caught in the corner.
Love has a scent. It blows about the mind and through the lungs, twitches at the finger tips, shivers on the lips.
But I can feel it now
I can feel you now