It’s like, it’s like I… I don’t know how to drive. But I’m out in a car and made to drive around, everywhere, everyday but I don’t know what I’m doing and everyone thinks I do, everyone thinks I know how to drive but I don’t. I don’t know how the gears work or the lights and I’m shit at parking and I just can’t, can’t do it, don’t understand it. People see me in the car and think it’s fine because why would I be in it if I didn’t know what I was doing. 

But you see, well, I… um… I see… motorbikes, and I understand them. I see how to ride them, I see how fun it would be, how happy I would be but then I’m stuck in this stupid car. And I keep crashing all the time because I don’t know what I’m doing and I’m scared in it, I’m not happy in it, I’m really not happy mum. 

Do you get it?

It’s like you want me to be blue but I’m pink. That’s all. Isn’t a big deal, it’s just being a dress over a suit it’s nothing. So you don’t need to worry or make a fuss or cry you just do nothing Okay? And I… then I can be me because I’m not me I’m this… I’m just, well I don’t know what I am, but I know who I am, just at the moment I’m not who I am I’m this other person who’s in me but trapped by this other image of me and do you get it? Do you understand because I’m walking around in a projection. And I’m lost. Okay, I need finding mum. I need…


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